I’m tired. Of what? I’ve got no idea. Somewhere along the lines of being constantly there for people, people using me for my advices and being a lousy friend. I don’t know man. Can’t really say no one is there for me but the fact that I push people away and don’t want them to return is in my blood.
1. MY HOUSE IS SO SMALL. I’ve got 6 people including me who is cramming in this small flat. Uncle daughter is staying over with us, not sure how long but I hope she goes back fast man. Uncle being a totally dick head because his daughter is living with us and we must “like” her. Mum is on the verge of scolding him in front of her. Lol. Bro doesn’t wanna say at home because of uncle no matter what. Sister is busy with her dancing and working. Me, I just want to run home every time school ends. Times like these, I want to say in Malaysia, because I find peace and serenity there. Yes, I didn’t have friends there but my family were united. Hoping for the best, with everything.
2. Prema forgot about me. I mean she doesn’t make the effort in tyin to meet up anymore. Can’t blame her though, she has her own life while I’m still stuck in the past. I regret fighting and arguing w her in primary 6 and wasting my entire year not being her friend. People make stupid Edison’s everyday man. Remember guys, bros over hoes any day alright. Back to Prema, kinda jealous f the fact that her BESTFRIEND is always there for her. I try making conversations in whatsapp, asking how her life is and all, but it doesn’t make a difference. I’m kinda sure that if we were in a house which is burning and she can save one person, it’ll be her BESTFRIEND. Not trying to be rude or anything, but it hurts so much. When we put others as our priority but to them you’re only their option. I’m hurt, but its okay. I’m still trying, never want our friendship to end. 10 years already. It’s worth it and I’m gonna fight for it.
3. School, what is school man. Hahah, results have been okay so far. Gonna get back sciences paper tomorrow, nervous as hell. I’ve got to work harder, keep telling myself I can do it but every time I open either chemistry or physics TYS, I’ll keep yawning and yawning. Other subjects is okay. Tamil is another goner. Gotta try hard and harder. Speaking of which, first period Tamil tomorrow. HOW AM I GONNA SURVIVE? I’ve got no idea. I’m gonna hide in the library and read Matilda. Or I’ll fast w ayuni. She is nice man. But she has her days hahaha. SHOUTOUT TO AYUNI. I’m happy being alone, I’ve been there before.
4. I just want to be happy.
Hope for the best, I need luckkkkkk!! Good nights X
do you ever just want to go outside in the middle of the night and walk around and not actually do anything just observe and think and stuff
Yesterday, I had tuition. So, after tuition Kenny and I took 176 home. While waiting for the bus, he was talking about the guys at the back o the class. So, I told him to stop laughing. Cause I’m afraid they’re laughing at me or something (delusional). So he was telling me how the fun the guys at the back were. I commented about everybody.
Then he randomly told me about the mysterious guy. He went on and on about how that guy was so funny even though he only opened up to them after two weeks of lesson. Kenny was telling me how funny he was because he always bang the calculator on his head. I mean its pretty funny because I do that, sometimes and I never seen anybody doing that. Like ever. Kenny went on to tell me how funny and nice he was. ( I didn’t ask ) But seeing Kenny talk about things really brightened my damped mood. Miss that ol’ friend who is to chatter is heart out. MOVING ON, he told me how that guy has twitter. Curiously, I went twitter to see Kenny’s follower and saw that guy’s name. I went to check him out. I mean I went to check his profile out. Pshhhh. What shocked me the most was his bio in twitter. HAHAHAHA. Who would have ever thought the guy who was so so so mysterious, loves One Direction. I know I shouldn’t judge and all, but hell. He sits behind in the class, doesn’t speak or chat to anyone. I’ve never even seen him smile. He always wear the same beach surer pants, billabong if I’m not wrong. I hope he doesn’t kill me if he ever sees this, one day. Going back about the guy’s twitter, HE HAS SO MANY FOLLOWERS. I followed him though, like that night itself. I stalked him too, sound so creepy. So, like one night an one afternoon later, he followed me. I don’t know if I’m supposed to be shocked or not. But I’m happy. To the losers that dot get a follow back: IN YOUR FACES!! I don’t know what will change between us, but I’m hoping it’ll be nothing. He seems so lively on twitter and in tuition, he rarely smiles. I wanna see the real him, how he smiles, talk and how he actually is to people who have known him long. Djashima thinks his cute, I mean she thinks that everyone is cute so….. I won’t deny that he isn’t cute but…. I don’t have a crush or anything. But just curiosity I don’t know if “curious it’s will kill the cat” or not. But, meeting new people in our lives is important and good.
So I’m ending here after typing for idk how many hours, just joking. Not funny? Okay sorry.
I’m a one woman show.
i always think “if people want to talk to me they will” which is my reasoning for never really starting conversations so i’m permanently thinking no one wants to talk but what if they’re sat there thinking the same and it’s just this cycle of silence that never gets broken because i’m too stubborn to just put myself out there